white radical nerd lady in my 30s
transplanted to the East Coast US
happily living in sin with my co-conspirator Mr. X
my Dragon Age sideblog
Other tags of interest - Places I Wish I Was Right Now, GPOY, owls, you are cordially invited to my pants, this has been a post, OH MY GOD, Favorite of all the things, Maru is the best cat in the whole world
thats an interesting point but the thing is
When was super depressed, I wasn’t working—I was always too depressed. Hemingway did his best work when he didn’t drink, then he drank himself to...”
I feel like a lot of people have totally missed the point of sex positivity, especially hetronormative men. So lets clear things up.
Yes, having sex whenever and however is sex positivity. That is not, however, all there is to sex positivity. Sex positivity is, yes, meant to work against slut shaming, but sex positivitivity isn’t “let’s everyone have lots and lots of sex with everyone all the time” and I see too many men telling women that because those women don’t want to have sex with those men or don’t want to have sex in general they’re not “sex positive”. If you do that, that is COERCION, which is not consent and not having consent, or being coercive, is about as far from sex positivity as you can get because it’s rape culture.
Not wanting to have sex and then not having sex is also sex positivity. Wanting to have sex (as in, having sexual desires) and then choosing to not have sex is still sex positivity- putting off having sex until after marriage is still sex positivity. It’s a choice.
Shaming people because their desires and choices don’t match up with yours is not sex positivity. Shaming people and calling them “prude” because they don’t choose to have sex is not sex positivity. Shaming people and calling them a “slut” because they do choose to have sex is not sex positivity. Shaming people because they choose to have sex, just not with you, is not sex positivity.
THIS. MOTHERFUCKING THIS.
Question: Is never wanting to have sex, but feeling that others should have sex (safely and consensually) if they want to, still sex positivity?
Yup! That is exactly what sex positivity is. If they want to, if they choose to, if all parties involved in said sex consent.
Yes. To me it is about detaching sex from morals, so long as everyone involved are consenting adults. Sex is not inherently moral or immoral, it is a regular human activity that people choose to do or not do for their own reasons. Having “too much” or “too little”, by whatever arbitrary measure you choose for that, should not be a standard by which you measure people.
Some people who call themselves sex positive do get stuck on a sense of superiority granted by their sexual experience, and that’s bullshit. Sex doesn’t make you a better or worse person. A virgin is no more virtuous than anyone else, but they aren’t pitiable either. They might be doing much more exciting things instead, and have different priorities than you. Somebody who married their high school sweetheart might have an incredibly adventurous sex life for all you know.
Stop judging people based on their sex lives.